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SIENNA
"Wow." Ethan's lips quirk into a half-smile after Jaya abandons us.
"Wow indeed," I say.
We both stare at the door, as if Jaya may come back at any moment. The silence stretches out, and I try to think of something witty or funny to say. Something to ease the tension. Unfortunately, my brain is failing me. All I can think about is how much I wish I could crawl under the table and hide.
I cannot believe Jaya did this to me. I'll have to make sure to pay her back in spades.
I'm contemplating all the possible revenge plots, when Ethan clears his throat. "So...you, uh, look nice."
"Thank you," I mumble. My face is probably bright red, and I hope he doesn't notice.
Silence again. Thankfully, the waitress arrives with our drinks. She smiles brightly at us and asks if we're ready to order. I quickly grab a menu and scan it, since I've been too busy being embarrassed to actually decide on anything.
"I have an idea," Ethan speaks up.
I glance at him. He's trying to smile, but I can tell he feels flustered. I wonder if he's having as much trouble as I am. The thought makes me feel a bit better. At least I'm not the only one who's nervous.
"What is it?" I ask.
"We should order an appetizer."
I can't help but smile. I like how he's trying to make me feel comfortable. I raise an eyebrow and say, "That's your big idea?"
"Yep." Now he is grinning, which makes this whole thing a little more bearable.
I agree to an appetizer, and after a brief discussion we settle on spring rolls. Once the waitress walks away to put in our order, the silence returns. It doesn't feel quite as awkward though. Probably because we’re actually looking at the menu now in order to decide what we want to order. I end up choosing a curry dish, and Ethan chooses Pad Thai. By the time the waitress comes back with our spring rolls and to take our dinner order, I'm feeling a lot less nervous.
The conversation starts to flow naturally between us, although there's still a slight distance between us. I'm not sure if it's because we're still trying to get used to being around each other or because neither of us wants to cross a line. Either way, we are having a nice time. We talk about mundane things - classes, our friends, and the training program. It's weird, because when we dated, we rarely talked about anything going on in our lives. This time around, we seem to have no trouble sharing. It's refreshing.
When our food arrives, we both dig in. The food is delicious, and the conversation continues. Eventually, Ethan says, "This has been nice. Just hanging out."
I nod. "Yeah, it has."
"You know, if we had done this in high school, maybe we would've lasted."
My heart stops. The words hang in the air between us. Ethan's eyes widen, and I know he didn't mean to say them. But they're out there now. I try to swallow the lump in my throat, and I'm not sure if it's due to anger or sadness. I don't want to react.
Ethan must sense that he's gone too far, because he rushes to say, "Sorry. That was...stupid. I shouldn't have said that."
I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "No, you're right."
"What?" He blinks.
"You're right. If we had done this in high school—talking—then maybe things would've been different."
"Sienna—"
"I'm not finished." My voice is quiet, but there's a hint of steel in it. I need him to understand what I'm saying. Because if we're ever going to have a chance, then I need him to hear this.
"Okay," he says softly.
"We made a lot of mistakes in high school," I continue. "I'm not saying that they were all your fault anymore. We were both immature. You were aloof and kind of rude. Unless we were making out, you seemed to like hanging out with other people more than me. I got the feeling you didn't actually like me very much. Or that you were embarrassed by me."
"Sienna, I--" he tries again.
"But," I say forcefully, and his mouth slams shut again. "It's on me, too. I didn't communicate, and I didn't talk about what was bothering me. I let everything build up, and then when it finally came out, we couldn't deal with it. We broke up, and it was messy. But now we have a second chance. I don't want to waste it."
When I finish, there's silence. He's staring at me, his expression unreadable. I want him to say something. Anything. To tell me that he agrees. That we can make this work.
After a moment, he says, "I don't want to waste it, either."
We hold eye contact for what feels like hours. Neither of us is smiling, but there's an understanding between us. Finally, I break the spell.
"Good," I say, taking a sip of my drink.
Ethan chuckles, although it feels a bit forced. As I start digging into my meal again, he says, "So why did you sign up for the half marathon?"
I swallow the food in my mouth and reply, "Honestly, I was trying to get out of this thing my dad wanted me to do."
Ethan's eyebrows raise. "And you thought signing up for a half marathon was better than whatever your dad wanted you to do? That's pretty extreme."
"Yes," I sigh. It sounds more ridiculous every time I think about it.
"What was the thing he wanted you to do?"
I explain about the MBA bootcamp, and I surprise myself by getting into the details of my relationship with my dad. How dad has high expectations for my future that I have no idea of living up to. "I'm just...tired of avoiding him, and not letting him know what I actually want to be doing."
"So what do you want to do?" Ethan asks.
I hesitate. I haven't actually told anyone this yet. Not even Jaya. I don't know why but I feel like I can tell Ethan. And he might actually understand. "I want to take a gap year," I blurt out. "Travel around the world for a bit. There are some programs where I could do it without much cost. Then, after that...well, I'm not sure. But I'm confident I'll figure it out."
Ethan doesn't look shocked. He doesn't laugh. Instead, he nods and says, "I think that sounds awesome. I don't think it's crazy, either. A lot of people do that. Why not just tell your dad?"
"Because," I say. "He already thinks I don't take things seriously enough. That I just sort of float through life. He'll probably think this is just another way for me to avoid responsibility."
Ethan frowns. "Why wouldn't he think you take things seriously? Just look at how you're approaching the half marathon. Not everyone would even start the process, let alone keep training as long as you have."
I snort. "Yeah, and I'm sure he fully expects me to quit." Ethan is still looking at me. He's waiting for a real answer, so I continue. "Look, you don't have to pretend. I know you and your friends thought I was silly in high school. I know dad loves me, but I just get the impression that's what he thinks of me, too."
The line between Ethan's brows has gotten deeper. He looks slightly embarrassed, which makes me a little nervous. Then he surprises me by saying, "I don't think you're silly."
I shrug, feeling Ethan's gaze like a spotlight. "You're lying."
"I'm not," Ethan says fiercely. "I think you're brilliant. I'll admit that I didn't notice it in high school. But I missed a lot of things back then."
His tone is so genuine, and the compliment is so unexpected, that it throws me for a loop. I can't speak. I can only stare at him. Finally, after a few seconds have passed, I manage to find my voice. The conversation has taken a more serious turn than I'd anticipated, and it's making me uncomfortable. So I decide to lighten things up.
"What about you?" I ask. "How long have you been running?"
“Since freshman year of college,” he answers.
“What made you decide to start?”
He shrugs. "None of my siblings did it. David didn't do it. Neither did Emilia. It was something that was just mine."
It makes sense. In high school, it always felt like Ethan was trying to prove himself. That he was trying to find his place. I remember that he was either described as "another one of the Weber kids" or "the best friend" (whether that was David's or Emilia's). He wasn't defined by anything other than that.
I noticed how much that bothered him in high school, but I never mentioned it. I guess my little monologue about communication sticks with me, because I decide to bring it up now. I say, "Did you get sick of it? Of being in your siblings' shadows? Or David or Emilia's?"
He doesn't look surprised by my question. His mouth turns down and his eyes are serious. "Yeah. I hated it. Sometimes, I felt...I feel like I'm nothing compared to them."
I take a sharp inhale, surprised that he's being so honest. Ethan and I have never talked like this before. And we certainly never talked about his insecurities.
He continues, "So yeah... that's why I started running. I wanted to do something that made me feel like an individual. That made me feel valuable."
The last word hangs in the air between us. It's heavy and full of emotion. Ethan's eyes are bright, and he's watching me closely. I can see the pain and vulnerability there. It makes me ache for him.
Without thinking, I reach across the table and take his hand. Our fingers interlace, and the contact sends a shock wave through my body. Ethan's thumb strokes my palm, and his touch makes my heart beat faster.
We're not smiling. Neither of us has spoken. But the tension between us has shifted. There's something different about it now. Something deeper.
We finish the rest of the meal without speaking. There's a connection between us, but I'm not sure what it means. Is it friendship? Is it something more? I don't know. All I know is that when the waitress comes over and asks if we want dessert and we say no, I'm disappointed that the night is ending.
When the check comes, he offers to pay for both our meals. I protest, but he insists. So, I let him. After we leave the restaurant, Ethan offers to walk me to my car. I'm thankful I was the one to drive here. I would have killed Jaya if she left me stranded here with no option to get home except to call an Uber or hitch a ride from Ethan. Which I know is totally something she would have done.
As we walk the short distance in the parking lot, our arms brush against each other, and it sends tingles down my spine. The night is cold, and the wind has picked up. I pull my jacket tighter around me, wishing I'd worn something warmer.
"Are you cold?" Ethan asks, noticing my shiver.
"A little."
"Come here."
I walk closer to him. He wraps his arms around me, pulling me against his chest without missing a step. I breathe in the familiar scent of him, feeling the warmth of his body heat seep into mine. When we reach my car, we stop but I don't pull away. Instead, I rest my head on his shoulder, and we stand there for a while. Just holding each other.
I don't know how long we stay like that. Eventually, I have to pull away because the cold air is making my teeth chatter. When I do, Ethan gives me a soft kiss on the cheek. It's unexpected, and it takes me a moment to process.
"I'll see you at training next week," he says.
I nod, unable to speak. He waits until I'm in the car and then waves as I drive off.
ETHAN
It's late, and I'm lying in bed. The clock reads 12:04 AM. Normally, I'd be asleep by now. But my mind won't shut off. It keeps replaying the night over and over again. The way Sienna looked at me, the way her skin felt against mine. The way we connected on a different level then we ever had before.
She's different from the girl I knew in high school. She's still quirky and carefree, but she's more mature. She's confident and determined. She's sexy. And tonight, she made me feel like I was the only guy in the world. Like no one else existed.
I roll onto my back, staring up at the ceiling. Fuck, I need to get a grip. She's just a girl. A beautiful, funny, interesting girl. But just a girl. And yet, she has me completely mesmerized. She's all I can think about.
I close my eyes, willing myself to sleep. Again. But my brain still won't cooperate. I just keep seeing the image of her in the restaurant. Her blonde hair falling around her shoulders, her deep brown eyes fixed on me. Her pink lips parting slightly whenever we happened to touch.
I groan and roll over, burying my face in my pillow. I need to clear my head. Stop thinking about the way her body moves when she’s running or walking or just fucking sitting there looking perfect. Stop remembering how soft her skin was against my fingertips, how sweet her perfume smelled. Stop thinking about what it would be like to run my hands through her hair, to taste her lips.
I glance at the clock again. 12:12 AM. I clearly won’t be getting any sleep tonight.
I sit up, toss the covers off, and swing my legs over the edge of the bed. It's hopeless. I'm fucking gone. I've been gone since the moment I saw her outside the group fitness room. And all the training sessions since then, and tonight’s dinner, have only made things worse.
I want her. Badly. And not just physically. I don't just want her because she's beautiful, or because we clearly have chemistry. I want all of her. Everything she has to offer. I want to spend every waking moment with her, talking and laughing and getting to know her more. I want to take her on dates and hold her hand while we watch movies. I want to kiss her and touch her and fuck her.
The realization hits me hard, and I suck in a breath. Shit.
Then, because an internal curse isn't enough, I whisper loudly, "Shit."
What the hell am I going to do?
Comments give me life (and motivation). I would be so thankful if you like, share, or comment on this chapter!
Ohhhh Ethan is DOWN BAD. Also this chapter was so adorable I was smiling the entire time!!
poor ethan. this man is truly in love.
this chapter was so good and put a smile on my face after finishing my exams <3